Video Game Reviews

I play a lot of video games. It's probably my main hobby. So, you can proably imagine how happy I was to hear about a little thing called emulation a while back. Just about anyone who isn't with the IDSA can probably agree with me, it's nice being able to play games that you no longer stand a chance of finding or playing anymore, isn't it? I mean, arcades are almost nonexistent these days, all used game joints sell are old sports games and the cream of the crap for the most parts, and you know as well as I do that no one's gonna be re-releasing most of the old Super Nintendo games you used to rent a lot.

Of course, there's another side to emulation that only a few people consider. You know, the ability to play the stuff that either didn't look good or had heard bad reviews for a lot. With emulation, you can try it out and if it sucks, you don't have to give a company the satisfaction that someone actually BOUGHT the thing. Then there's the Japanese stuff you were never able to take a crack at in American arcades. I'll say it again, we all know there's no chance we'd ever get to see Pachinko Sexy Reaction over here. I'm surprised there's actually hentai games on the market for us (someone help us if the politicians ever get a hold of THESE). And of course with the arcade games, you don't have to worry too much about the insane fees arcades charge for their games these days (and let's face it, what are the odds of you finding the older games you liked nowadays?) Sure, you don't get to play the newer stuff on MAME, but geez, let the companies make SOME money, I say.

So basically, the upshot of this section is where I review some of the ROMs I happen to have. You'll probably quickly notice that most of the games are either terrible, Japanese, or have some deep flaws. But let's face it, it's more fun to review stuff you either don't like, don't understand, or like for reasons other than the intended purpose.

Macaulay Culkin on steroids beats up on the same 24 people repeatedly throughout five stages of less-than-excitement.

4-year-old girl's shooting extravaganza, anyone?

Jay vs. Space Al-Qaeda. Odds are 30:1 against, but at least you get some kick-ass music while you wait for the results.

Yup, beating hordes of morons up is still fun. If not more so than before, really.

Riggs and Murtaugh imbibe huge amounts of illicit substances and go after some baddies.

The wackest, most un-def game to ever be shot out into this shiz-naw. If you don't speak hip-hop, that means this game blows.

Some of the fastest, most frenetic combat there ever was, and all with a graphical style that makes my TI-83+ look state-of-the-art. Also: Thumbnail Theater!

I don't know what's gonna be worse, finding the ROMs or listenin' to all this. Just get me back to the main page.