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+Hyena
<--- He is an evil genius
Posts: 914/957
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| Posted on 03/21/2005 at 07:33:06AM |
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The Laws of Movie Theatre Customer Stupidity.
1. The Law of Telepathy.
i. At least once a day, one or more customers will ask for a specific number of tickets but forget to mention what movie that they actually want to see.
ii. One out of four of these will not realize afterwards that it was a stupid assumption.
2. The Law of Spousal Generosity.
i. When someone brings their spouse or significant other, they will fight over who the lucky person is who gets to pay for the tickets. Invariably they will force you to decide.
ii. In some cases they will resent you if you don't pick them.
3. The Law of Cellular Annoyance.
If someone has a friend they're meeting for the movie and they have a cell phone, they will call them just as they reach their spot in line.
4. The Law of Rectal Wisdom
Every customer believes that you will appreciate it if they tell you what movies they think suck, whether or not they've actually seen them.
5. The Law of Overestimated Intelligence
An overwhelming number of customers will try hard to keep a straight face while telling incredibly lame jokes that you will inevitably hear from a dozen others by the end of the week. Jokes include trying to convince you that they're a child, asking if they get a discount because they showed up late, any number of jokes involving movie titles that sound suggestive, and that they are actually the president of the theatre corporation and should get in free.
6. The Law of Auditorium Direction
It doesn't matter which door you tell them to go to. They'll pick one at random moments later and then ask if that's the correct door.
7. The Law of Stupidity Supplication
Customers who do stupid things will blame them on you or the theatre. This includes their misreading the times listed in the newspaper, walking into the wrong auditorium, spilling their food, and taking their kids to see extremely inappropriate movies despite warnings.
8. The Law of Right In Front of You, Jackass
Everyone asks where the bathroom is.
9. The Law of Why Bother Asking
i. When leaving the auditorium, one out of ten customers ask if they need their ticket to get back in.
ii. Customers ask what time a movie starts, when it's over your head in big bright letters.
iii. Customers often ask if a movie is good or bad, after already deciding that they're going to see it.
iv. If you tell a customer the movie they wanted to see is a bad movie, the universe will explode.
10. The Law of Coupons
i. If any theatre anywhere in the country has a coupon, customers will bring it to you, believing that you will accept them.
ii. Follow-up questions always include what the name of your theatre is, when it's clearly printed on your work uniform.
11. The Law of Nametags
If you have a nametag, everyone will think you're their best friend and are comfortable calling you by your first name in a buddy tone of voice.
12. The Law of Pricing
i. No matter how low the prices are, people will complain.
ii. If the prices are divided into only General, Child, and Senior, people will ask for Student tickets.
iii. One out of five customers will ask for a specific number of tickets, but not specify which are General, Child, or Senior.
iv. If asked to specify age groups, customers will instead tell you the ages of every single person that's with them, even if they have ten or more people.
13. The Law of the Assumed Critic
i. Customers will always ask you which movies are the best.
ii. If you haven't seen a specific movie and don't know if it's good or bad, they will tell you that you're supposed to know these things.
14. The Law of Creative Stupidity
At least once a week, at least one customer will do something unpredictably stupid that you will not have thought possible of a human being.
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Edited by Hyena on 03/21/2005 at 01:34:12AM
Edited by Hyena on 03/21/2005 at 01:37:02AM | |
DCB
Jessica Alba's lesbian lover
Posts: 1136/1156
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| Posted on 03/21/2005 at 07:36:39PM |
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| I think should try some/all of these next time I buy movie tickets, just to see what the theater workers do to me. :P
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Oderint, dum metuant. | | |
+Chaos
Wearer of the Pants of Justice
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| Posted on 03/22/2005 at 07:10:13PM |
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Man, I've experienced a number of these things first hand. Not from working at a move theatre, mind you, but as an admissions clerk at the Zoo. Makes me glad I don't work there anymore...
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Nylar
UP ON CPU
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| Posted on 03/24/2005 at 04:08:41AM |
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| I'm so glad I bag groceries and don't have to bother with dumb questions from stupid customers. Oh wait...
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+Hyena
<--- He is an evil genius
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The President of the Country
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| Posted on 03/25/2005 at 04:31:44PM |
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Maybe as a nice followup I can post the ten most weird/stupid things I can think of that have happened at my theatre. Keep in mind, I work at a fairly small theatre. There's six screens. On slow nights we'll get between 30 and 50 people in total. On busy nights we'll never get more than 1000. We have twenty-something employees so we're always working with people we know, and we only ever have one manager working at a time, unless something special is going on in which we might have two.
So even though we don't get as steady a flow as the Silver City in the same city (which has like 10 or so managers in plain view at any time) if you stay at a movie theatre long enough, weird things *will* happen.
10. Someone once bought about $350 worth of gift certificates. All we had were tens, so that means thirty-five of them had to be scanned. After she paid on her credit card, she immediately changed her mind and asked for her money back.
9. A couple of women in their mid-forties asked if they could take my picture once.
8. A customer once showed up before opening and complained that she came the other night to see The Ring and that a boom microphone kept showing up in different shots. She said she talked to other people who saw the movie elsewhere and none of them saw the mic, so it must have been a flaw with our print.
7. When a woman came back from getting some popcorn and drinks I asked her politely if she still had her ticket with her. She rudely said "No!" and plowed past me into her theatre.
6. One guy came in and asked if it was okay to bring his kids in to see Team America: World Police. I said it was rated 18A, which meant they needed to be accompanied, so they could go in if he did. I did, however, warn him that it was not very appropriate for kids. He left and came back with his wife and two kids and bought tickets. As I was totalling it up, he asked "Do you have a discount for retarded kids?" (Exactly how he put it)
I stood there in shock for a second then the rest of the family burst into laughter like it was some family joke they had. So I gave them the tickets, they went in. When the movie was over and they left, I overheard the dad calling to his son in a friendly tone, "Come on, retard."
At this point I realized that probably nothing in the movie was anything new to the kids.
5. For a brief period of time we showed older movies (like Pulp Fiction, Clockwork Orange, and etc) at midnight. It didn't do too well and not many people showed up. On the last night of the event, the manager at the time decided it wasn't worth it to even run the movie and told the cashier not to sell any tickets for it, saying if anyone complained he would just write them up a pass so they could see another movie for free.
Someone showed up and asked for a ticket and when told that the movie wasn't playing, exclaimed that he came all the way from Bolton (which is like three towns over) to see the movie and asked why it wasn't playing. The cashier pointed to the nearest other employee and said "He wrecked the film."
4. Someone (probably intentionally) once clogged the sink in the girl's bathroom and somehow managed to break the faucet so it was continually spraying water. The bathroom was completely flooded and made its way out into the main hall. It took about an hour to get under control and everyone except me (because I had to stay in the box office) had to work on it. If the water reached the auditoriums we would have had to evacuate them.
3. A group of kids had been repeatedly warned not to disrupt the others while a movie was going on (they had been making noise and there were a lot of complaints) and finally, two of the girls got into a fight and one threw a McFlurry, which hit a completely different person. When the two of them were kicked out, they made a hell of a fuss over it and when they were refused a refund, they went out and bought another McFlurry and threw it at the door. We got them on camera.
2. One woman came in and asked for popcorn. When she was given the bag, she squished the popcorn with her palm until it only took up half the bag and then promptly complained that it was only filled half-way. Rather than argue, the employee generously filled the bag the rest of the way. After doing so, she complained "Aren't you going to ask me if I want butter?"
He replied "You didn't say you wanted butter before."
At this point she demanded to see the manager. The manager came out and after she explained to him, he replied that he didn't understand the problem.
She was outraged and asked for the number to head office and wrote down the name of the manager, the employee, and even took down the name of another employee who she wanted to call in as a witness. Needless to say, nothing ever came of all this.
1. One customer stayed in the bathroom for four hours straight, without making a noise. My best theory is that he was sleeping very soundly, but I still can't figure out why I couldn't even hear him breathe.
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Nylar
UP ON CPU
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| Posted on 03/26/2005 at 12:55:38AM |
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| Why were you in a bathroom with a customer for four hours listening to see if he'd breathe?
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UP ON CPU |
Edited by Nylar on 03/26/2005 at 12:20:59PM
Edited by Nylar on 03/26/2005 at 12:21:07PM | |
+Hyena
<--- He is an evil genius
Posts: 919/957
The President of the Country
Location: The Fortress of Searing Pain and Occasional Ice Cream
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Last Activity: 6069 day(s) and 5 hour(s) ago
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| Posted on 03/26/2005 at 06:47:00PM |
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Quoting Nylar:
Why were you in a bathroom with a customer for four hours listening to see if he'd breathe?
I went in to actually use the bathroom and he wasn't making any noise in the entire time I was in there. When I came out, one of the others said he went in earlier and he didn't make any noise. I thought he might have been dead, but the other guy said he just went in five minutes before and asked "Sir, are you okay?" and the guy said "Yeah, I'm fine."
The usher is required to go in and check the washrooms every half hour to see if there are messes to be cleaned up, so we didn't need to actually stay in there to be able to tell he was there for four hours. By the time he left, everyone in the theatre was aware of him.
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Edited by Hyena on 03/26/2005 at 12:48:13PM | |
+Chaos
Wearer of the Pants of Justice
Posts: 1238/1281
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| Posted on 03/26/2005 at 11:47:16PM |
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Man, I want to work in a movie theatre now.
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Angel of Doom
Keep Top Eye Open!
Posts: 462/462
Dooreye
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| Posted on 03/28/2005 at 02:34:55AM |
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| This is what not replying for months gets you.
asthma attacks from the hilarity of the first topic you read.
and goodness, four hours? really? dang, what did he eat?
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"These shoes arent cheap. They're made from baby skin you know. Fresh daily."
- In the immortal words of King Steve
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