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+Hyena
<--- He is an evil genius
Posts: 343/957
The President of the Country
Location: The Fortress of Searing Pain and Occasional Ice Cream
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Last Activity: 6116 day(s) and 20 hour(s) ago
Registered: Oct 31 2002 |
| Posted on 02/02/2003 at 06:49:51PM |
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| 
Here's the deal.
I wrote up this fake resume, full of stuff that you would never do with a resume.
Examples:
- Most resumes should be one page in order to keep it readable. This resume is four pages.
- I made up a bunch of jobs that I couldn't possibly have worked on, as they took place back in the thirties, and wrote a bunch of stuff I did on the job that you wouldn't go around advertizing (ie peeing on the boss' desk one day, or beating up a snotty kid who made fun of me while I was working)
- I added several sci-fi fantasy elements like time-travel and super-human powers.
I think I'm going to print it out on lined paper, just to make it seem even less professional. Maybe staple it in the middle of the page or something.
And finally, when all that is done, I want to send it places. Maybe somewhere in Britain, to a company that's looking for a new CEO. Or maybe in Texas to a small factory, applying for a management position. As many places I can think of that are not within the immediate area, as I don't want potential employers to tell other employers, making it impossible for me to get a job within the province. (I have a job right now, but it pays not to burn all your bridges)
So anyway, I have all this decided, and planned out. But, should I put my real name on it?
Also:
I think either way I'll put my real address. Any sort of replies I got by mail would be hilarious (Either a personalized "you are a strange warped individual" or a sterile "We regret that our company has no positions available")
The thing I'm concerned about is whether I could get into legal trouble for this. Can it be considered fraud?
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@kiwibonga
I own two websites now. It sucks. :P
Posts: 271/717
The President of Spainmark
Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
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Registered: Sep 16 2002 |
| Posted on 02/02/2003 at 07:40:21PM |
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|  That's a good question... It could be funny, but then again, it could be labeled as fraud... Mmm... Well... I really don't know what you could risk :P
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+Chaos
Wearer of the Pants of Justice
Posts: 68/1281
Nahime
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Registered: Jan 12 2003 |
| Posted on 02/02/2003 at 07:50:19PM |
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| I doubt you would get into trouble. I have a book full of letters from a guy who wrote to hotels and such with strange requests (i.e if he could ride the bus in a carrot suit, if he could gamble dressed as a shrimp, if anyone found his little bag of otter hair) and nothing happened to that guy. Its called Letters from a Nut if you are interested.
Send me a copy. It sounds damned funny.
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Ugh.. I'd rather be shitting blood than do this. Oh fuck! I AM shitting blood!! AAAAIIEEE! | | |
+Hyena
<--- He is an evil genius
Posts: 349/957
The President of the Country
Location: The Fortress of Searing Pain and Occasional Ice Cream
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| Posted on 02/02/2003 at 10:09:33PM |
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I'd like to see this book. Anyway, since Chaos twisted my arm, here's the resume:
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
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+Chaos
Wearer of the Pants of Justice
Posts: 77/1281
Nahime
Location: Over there
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Last Activity: 6294 day(s) and 19 hour(s) ago
Registered: Jan 12 2003 |
| Posted on 02/02/2003 at 10:35:11PM |
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| Very nice sir. I was going to tell you that you should say "left the vent open for easy acces for rebel foces on death star" or something like that, but one star wars reference is enough.
Maybe I'll type up some of the letters from the book and post them or something sometime. You might be able to find it at the library or bookstore or something.
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Ugh.. I'd rather be shitting blood than do this. Oh fuck! I AM shitting blood!! AAAAIIEEE! | | |
+Hyena
<--- He is an evil genius
Posts: 352/957
The President of the Country
Location: The Fortress of Searing Pain and Occasional Ice Cream
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Last Activity: 6116 day(s) and 20 hour(s) ago
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| Posted on 02/02/2003 at 11:44:32PM |
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I just found it on ebay. Cool. Maybe I'll buy it.
Anyway, thanks for the compliment. I think my favourite parts are when I describe the pointless destruction of the neighbour's tool shed, the part with The Price is Right, and of course the last page.
I would *love* to see the reaction of the person who reads it, assuming he/she gets past the first page without throwing it out.
But then that's why I'm making a lot of copies. If I send 50 of these out, at least two or three people will stop to read it.
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+Chaos
Wearer of the Pants of Justice
Posts: 82/1281
Nahime
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Last Activity: 6294 day(s) and 19 hour(s) ago
Registered: Jan 12 2003 |
| Posted on 02/03/2003 at 12:20:24AM |
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| Yeah, those parts where damned funny. Im sure people will read it just because its a good laugh.
You should probably buy the book (at least if its reasonably priced. I bought mine out of one of those scholastic school order things for about 5 bucks i think). Probably the funniest part about it is that the businesses actually reply thinking he was completely serious. It probably wont make you bust out laughing (like the simpsons) but it will still make you laugh.
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Ugh.. I'd rather be shitting blood than do this. Oh fuck! I AM shitting blood!! AAAAIIEEE! | | |
TheNintenGenius
Increasingly Disillusioned Youth
Posts: 357/518
Fire Spiker
Location: Michigan
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Registered: Oct 26 2002 |
| Posted on 02/03/2003 at 01:15:50AM |
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| Hyena, that was one of the funniest things I've read in quite a while. Anyone who'd try to nail you for fraud for that obvious fake document would have to be terminally retarded.
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Where only the insane dare to venture. |
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+Hyena
<--- He is an evil genius
Posts: 356/957
The President of the Country
Location: The Fortress of Searing Pain and Occasional Ice Cream
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Last Activity: 6116 day(s) and 20 hour(s) ago
Registered: Oct 31 2002 |
| Posted on 02/03/2003 at 05:45:55PM |
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Thank you both very much.
*takes a bow*
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MarkVega
Pusher of Crates. Puller of Levers.
Posts: 244/686
Fake Energy Tank
Location: Rotterdamned
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Registered: Oct 23 2002 |
| Posted on 02/03/2003 at 06:14:07PM |
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| Mark Vega sez:
Whoa. You really got into this. There gonna be lots of eyebrows raisin' if you'd actually send this around. :P
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As a wise man once said to me:
"Man... you suck." | | |
DerWafflehund
Posts: 4/4
Mega Chopper
Location: Pandemonium, California
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Last Activity: 8309 day(s) and 1 hour(s) ago
Registered: Jan 27 2003 |
| Posted on 02/06/2003 at 07:56:36PM |
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| Wow, you're my hero. Should you decide to go through with this, make sure you regail us with the replies you receive. I give this two snaps and a salute, sir!
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Sex addicts have lower natural levels monoamine oxidase. Sex addicts really crave the peptide phenylethylamine that might be triggered by danger, by infatuation, by risk and fear. | | |
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