 +Chaos10/01/2005 11:44:06PM | I skewer the rat on the stick, abnd use the match to light it on fire. I tape it and upload the video to the internet because idiots like to see shit like that online. The video gains so much popularity that Google is overloaded with Burning Stick Rat queries and goes down. Since 85% of the world runs on google, our very basis of society will crumble. Being the originator of the Burning Stick Rat, the world turns to me for help. I simply remove the file from my FTP, and am regaled a hero for restoring peace and justice throuout the cosmos.
Next: Laundry detergent, a remote control, and a booger |
 +Hyena10/01/2005 05:43:23PM | That's easy!
I replace Luke Skywalker's fortune cookie with an oddly specific one that fortells great trouble unless he comes with me to Earth. There, I manipulate him to carry out my will. With Luke Skywalker as my unwitting pawn, the Earth cannot possibly stop me. Of course, I pay Luke Skywalker hansomely for his great work . . . with bathroom tokens. He's not from Earth so he wouldn't know. >:D Next: A dead rat, a small stick, and a single match. |
| +Chaos 10/01/2005 08:50:29AM | I tie to spaghetti around the meatball to form a grappling hook to scale the walls of congress. When that obviously doesn't work, I drive the limousine through the wall and rig up the dead hooker to a system of wires and pulleys. Operating her like a giant marionette, I convince Congress that she is a zombie and will eat them unless they officially declare me king of everything.
Next: An oddly specific fortune cookie, bathroom tokens, and Luke Skywalker |
| +Hyena 10/01/2005 06:30:05AM | Oh well, it was a great game anyway. I'll try it out.
I use a three day old waffle to lure a crocodile to a carefully concealed trap. Once it's trapped, I'll use a guitar to soothe it (like those cartoons where someone plays music to soothe a snake). After some long rigorous conditioning with food and the guitar, as well as some stellar combat training, the crocodile becomes my loyal brutal companion. I take the crocodile to Bill Gates' mansion, and unleash it inside. The crocodile destroys all of Bill Gates' security systems, defeats all the guards, then eats all of Bill Gates' beta software (whole) , then returns to me. Once the crocodile has passed the software, I ransom Bill Gates for the data or else I will auction it to all of his competitors. Either way someone will pay me big money. Next: One single strand of cooked spaghetti, one quarter of a meatball, a dead hooker in the trunk of a limousine. |
| Dispari Scuro 10/01/2005 06:16:41AM | Using my MacGyver skills, I break into the White House with only a pair of car keys and knock out the president. After dressing him in adult diapers and taking his picture I hold them as blackmail, extorting billions from the United States Government and eventually taking over the world.
Next up: A crocodile, a guitar, and a three day old waffle Edit: Blame Hyena for showing me this topic. ;) |
| +Chaos 03/02/2003 05:40:56AM | I rewrite the 12 days of christmas with those words and copywright it. Everythime any person ever says the words "partridge in a pear tree," they will be forced to pay me a dollar in royalties. Wait until Christmas time and watch the money roll in.
Car key, digital camera, XXXlarge sized adult diapers |
| +Hyena 02/23/2003 09:30:56PM | I open up an internet cafe co-hosted by Martin Scorcese with enough Hentai for everyone. It becomes a success.
Next: Three jellybeans, two small mirrors, and a partridge in a pear tree. |
| Lynn Minmei 02/23/2003 05:15:15PM | One day, I play Tribes 2 and find that Saddam is playing. I pretend I am a 14-year-old girl and get his address. I come over, and suffocate him with a sticker over the face. After this, all of Iraq bows to me, and the rest of the world does too, magically.
Next up: Hentai, an internet cafe, and Martin Scorcese |
| +Chaos 02/21/2003 04:37:10PM | I acquire a video of John Travolta being sadomized with a dildo (but make sure not to ever watch it myself) and sell it to the general public under the guise that it is Willy wonka dvd and not gay celebrity porno. Upon watching this demon tape, their brains will instsntly turn to mush and are mine for the picking.
Next: A small smiley face sticker, Tribes 2 on PC, and Sadaam Hussein |
| Lynn Minmei 02/20/2003 11:37:19PM | I put the pants on the Croc Hunter's head, hypnotize the general public to tear him to shreds, and they will obey your every command.
Next up: John Travolta, A copy of Willy WOnka and the Chocolate Factory on DVD, and a dildo. |
| +Hyena 02/20/2003 01:03:41AM | I find a paranoid guy named Calvin and start hanging out with him. One day I show him my broken 8mb playstation 2 memory card and tell him aliens probably did it, that it must have overloaded when they sent radio waves into my PS2 to send subliminal messages that encourage people to put away their weapons so that we will be defenseless when the invasion comes.
I convince him to give me his PS2 so I can "test" it for possible abuse, thus getting his PS2 and his games. I tell him I don't feel safe at my own home and that we need to build a bomb shelter and buy weapons in case worst comes to worst. He goes out and buys weapons, building a bomb shelter and doing all the hard work while I claim to be out testing people's playstations for alien transmissions. Then when he compiles enough, I shoot him and take all his weapons for my final world domination scheme. The police don't suspect me because Calvin was a crazy guy who spent all his time building a bomb shelter and they think he killed himself. If any of them do question me, however, I can just show them Yuka Takeuchi Fan's anime girl collection. Next: The Crocodile Hunter, a one-use-only disposable hypnosis machine, and a pair of pants. |
| Yuka Takeuchi Fan 02/15/2003 06:15:34AM | My turn again. Okay, I use the entire WNBA in order to bring about 50,000 people to an outdoor stadium, expecting a match. I then throw the 8,000 AOL CDs, aided by the wind, at random people. Hopefully, some will get scared and throw me their wallets, if not, I can steal those from anyone I knocked out. Some of the money is spent to make fake Russian missiles and bluff my way into a position of power; the rest goes into anime DVDs.
Next up: A paranoid guy named Calvin, a broken 8MB Playstation 2 memory card, and my anime girl picture folder. |
| +Chaos 02/14/2003 02:08:32AM | I use the elastic band as a make shift slingshot and shoot rich people with toenail clipping. Then when they are good and annoyed i will dump a bunch of cut grass blades on them. As they ponder as to what the hell I am doing, I steal their wallets and Im off like the wind. Woosh!
Speaking of wind, next is: the wind, the entire WNBA, Eight thousand AOL CD's |
| +Hyena 02/13/2003 03:21:53AM | I travel to an antarctica wasteland where only a primitive civilization exists. I set up Hitler's corpse and place the drum in front of him, with a metronome stuck inside it so that it beats at regular intervals. I then tell the natives that my power reanimates the dead, and the corpse's rythmic drumming has magic powers over the weather.
Then I shake salt on the ground when no one's looking and it clears away the snow. The tribe declares me a great sorceror. I become their overlord and I lead them to take over the antarctica research bases. From the supplies in the research bases I create weapons for my minions. That's pretty much phase one. Next: An elastic band, a blade of grass, and a toenail clipping. |
| +Chaos 02/12/2003 11:43:33PM | I sharpen the moose's antlers until they are all sharp and pointy and stuff. Then it let it rampage through the Sears tower until it is completely deserted. I then seize control of the building, taking any valuable things from inside and offer to relinquish it if the goverment gives me 5 billion dollars and prove that Wyoming doesnt actually exsist.
Next is a salt shaker, a Rugrats commemorative drum, and Hitlers rotten corpse |
| Vitriolic 02/11/2003 03:18:26AM | I go into Hallmark and buy the lamest Christmas card I can find that has pictures of little boys on it to the President of NAMBLA. The card then invites him and his friends to an 8-year old boys birthday party. They all arrive to the party and see that it's a pool party. All the boys in bathing suits get the NAMBLA men excited and they all begin sporting huge boners. Just then, I jump out of the bushes and throw an 8-meg ram chip at a precise angle to cut off all the dicks of the kid touchers. The blood rushing through their members causes the president and his lackies to all bleed to death, and when the authorities hear that this was my doing, I am declaired a hero and given a large part of Nebraska as my reward.
Next, a pencil sharpener, a moose, and the Sears Tower. |
| +Chaos 02/11/2003 02:59:34AM | I kidnap a rich guy with fraigle self esteem and tie him to a statue. Ill stick the toilet paper to his head (maybe use it first to add insult), stick the comb in his hair making him smell bad, then commence with pelting him with the same tic-tac repetedly. I will gathera crowd by posting up a sign sayiing there will be free porno or something. Once he bursts into tears, i offer to relinquish him in exchange for his fortune and those rocket shoes he tried to keep so secret...
Next on the line: An old broken 8-Meg Ram Chip, a lame Christmas Card, the president of NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Assosiacion. Im not sure but i think thats a real organization... Ew...) |
| +Hyena 02/09/2003 02:44:02AM | First I start a phony spy-tech business, buying second rate spy equipment and disguising them as everyday objects and selling them for a higher price. I then use what little money I receive to advertize on television so that I become well-reknowned. I then abuse my celebrity status to weasel onto the guest list to the academy awards and to track down the two famous personalities who will be announcing the "best picture" award. While they are away from home, I tie up their family members with a toilet paper roll and take pictures.
On the night of the Oscars and when no one is looking, I place the bottle of wine next to the main podium. When the two afore-mentioned celebrities are about to go up to announce the award I approach them backstage and place the banana against ones back, saying it is a gun. I give them the photographs, proving I have their family members hostage, and point to the bottle saying that it's my special spy-tech bomb that I've planted so that it will detonate if and when they do not comply with my wishes while on-stage. Being left no alternative, they announce "Jackass" as best picture. Next: One single tic-tac, a comb covered in vineager, and a piece of paper with "AWFUL" written on it |
 @kiwibonga02/08/2003 06:45:55PM | I make a move starring Jackie Chan and some random black guy, take the script to hollywood. They alrady accepted it two times, a third one shouldn't be a problem. The broken playstation controller will in fact be a weapon that Jackie Chan uses, and this way of fighting bad guys with a broken playstation controller will make all Sony fans become martial arts experts. Of course, the subliminal messages in the movie (AND the commercials on TV) will be what puts them under my control to dominate the world using bloody violence.
NEXT: A banana, a bottle of wine, a toilet paper roll |
| +Chaos 02/07/2003 02:13:33AM | I play the bob marley cd and everyone gets so high they actctually believe i have a shrink ray and will make the tokyo towers super tiny. I demand they all pay me and sign a contract to declare me overlord or else it is shrinky time.
Next: Jackie Chan, a broken playstation controller, any random black guy |
| DCB 02/07/2003 01:18:54AM | Using the Tifa Lockheart blow-up doll, I convince super-otaku everywhere to rally against Congress. Once we make it to Washington, I grab the nearest dull butterknife available and hold Strom Thurmond hostage (as he's so old the butterknife will mush through easily), demanding that the Republican party forfeit over all of their oil contracts and stock shares to me. Then, by controlling Washington, Wall Street, and America's fuel supply I shall crush any political or military opposition who dare disrupt my path to immortality!
Next: a Bob Marley CD, a shrink ray, and Tokyo Tower |
| +Chaos 02/06/2003 11:12:26PM | I see, a bit more of a chalenge...
First I find the Arc of the Covenant (or make a crappy rip-off) and declare myself as supreme god of everything. When people try to protest i hypnotize them with special light reflecting off the disco ball and staple a radio playing a mind control song into their inner ear. Now they do my bidding and I demand them to give me their money and bake me a cake. Money, world domination, AND cake. Next up: A dull butter knife, Strom Thurman, a Tifa Lockheart blow-up doll |
| Vitriolic 02/06/2003 02:23:32AM | I rip out all the pages of The Joy of Fisting (or al least the illustrations) and create a trail of pages that goes from the UN building to a nearby movie theatre. All the UN people follow the SEXXXAY pictures in to the theatre.Once everyone's there, every episode of The Simpsons starts to play one after the other. While all the UN people laugh histerically at The Simpsons, the theatre starts slowly filling up with Pepsi Blue. The UN reps. drown while laughing, and I then claim the UN for myself.
Next......a stapler, a disco ball, and the Ark of the Covenant. |
| +Chaos 02/06/2003 02:10:19AM | Oh come on. This is too easy...
I make a video game starring Britney wearing nothing but a thing and you use the joystick to decide which incredibly hot chick on screen to have sweet lesbian reletions with. Game plays actual videos, rather then computer generated images. I sell to sexually frustrated teenage boys and ake billions. Then sell them relief for their carpal tunnel... Next up... Pepsi blue, every epsode of the Simpsons, and a book entitled The Joy of Fisting: A Guide to Female Masturbation (the title is a bit off, but that actually is a real book) Try THAT!!! Hahaha... |
| Suppo 02/06/2003 01:57:55AM | hiding my slingshot in a giant sized condom, i will sneak a weapon undetcted in MCDOnald's headquarters. THen, I'll shoot every hambruglar that comes my way, just for the hell of because let's face it... he's not really dangerous. ONce that is achieved I will use my poisoned feather to contaminate all of the Mc Donald's food and transforming every human being into a sex-obsessed zombie. W will then be too busy nuking Irak so he won't even realize what has happened until he is personnally attacked by a dog zombie... I will then rule the world eternally.
NEXT Britney Spears, a thong, a joystick |
| @kiwibonga 02/06/2003 01:15:28AM | Ok... so I'll drive up to the white house in my '53 Edsel, there I'll just poke everyone's eyes with a toothpick, a real rampage, everyone runs out with their eyes pierced and shit... And then, I'll make the Global Defense Agency system blow up by installing Space Quest 5 on GWB's personal computer.
Next: A slingshot, a giant sized condom, and a feather |
| Yuka Takeuchi Fan 02/06/2003 01:03:32AM | All righty. I choose to blow up the beach ball and put the plastic explosive inside. I send the beach ball personally to Saddam Hussein, while wearing the dentures to get a fake sincere smile on my face so nothing is suspected. I make my exit and wait for the 'ka-boom'. I get a gigantic reward which I use to start the KEI company for real and slowly take over the world (and place money into research to produce clones of anime girls I like).
MY three for you are a '53 Edsel, a toothpick, and a used copy of Space Quest 5. Try THAT. |
| +Hyena 02/04/2003 05:50:39PM | Nevermind. I'll use both.
Using Bill Clinton's pubic hair we extract a sample of his genetic structure and clone him. Using a lavalamp we put the clone through heavy mental conditioning and turn him into our slave. This clone is disguised as a Mime and instructed in the art of riding a uni-cycle. Then, at select points every six months, the clone is dressed in a nice Clinton-esque suit and proceeds to the real Clinton's home and takes the golf clubs "out for a quick game" using a dart gun desguised as a red pen in case anyone gets suspicious. Eventually, Clinton has to keep buying new sets of golf clubs until the world's economic balance goes to ruin. Then when golf clubs become a precious commodity, we will have the most complete set the world has ever known. Next: Dentures, Plastique Explosive, A beach ball with the word "FUN" written across it in black marker. |
| Suppo 02/04/2003 05:25:46AM | cockblock |
 MarkVega02/04/2003 05:21:49AM | By including Free ninja Swords with my edited line of Bee Gees albums (Complete with hypnotic violent subliminal messages, woo-hoo!) I will take over the world using the Bee Gees fanbase going into a ninja rampage!
The spoon? I..eh...was having dessert, Pinky. Next: A set of Golf Clubs, a uni-cycle and a Mime. |