 |
|
07:34:52PM 11/03/2025
- Game Reviews (13) - Hardware Reviews (2)
- ROM Release List (1481) - Master Game List (93) - Article Resellers
- Register - Your Start Page - Message Board - Member List - Rank List - Rules of Conduct - FAQ - Links |
 Stats:
- Come on! Do the Wario! In a pure twist of fate, I came across this game called "Made in Wario." (That's the Japanese name. Well, I know it's in English but sometimes Japanese game titles are in English. Look at Final Fantasy. I mean, the comparison is flagrant... ALL RIGHT! I know Final Fantasy makes no sense, but I never said Wario was a country. Pointillism is an artistic movement, you shouldn't make it your lifestyle. Asshole.) Some people might think it's just another port, or that it's a classic platformer. Well, let me tell you what, these people suck, because they're wrong.
Woohoo! What is so exciting about this game that it stole Britney's Dance Beat's first place in my top-10-games-to-review list? Well, it's all about the adventure, the challenge, the ... the ... extreme ... pleasure which it happens to provide to the player. The scenario, real quick: Wario wants to make money, therefore he makes games, and the more games he makes, the more money he makes. Well, that's what he did, he decided to make, what, maybe 100 games (Note that at this point I haven't counted the games. Perhaps it's just not that important) and sell them to everyone. As a result, everyone in this game plays Wario's games, and for some reason, they always are in a pretty weird situation. (Cell phone ringing on the dance floor, bathroom clogged up, spaceship hit by a meteor) In order to get out of these terrible situations, you must play 10 to 25 of Wario's games in a row and get to the "BOSS STAGE" in order to save one character and end up with another problem... Now, I'm no philosopher or expert in the field of magic properties of inanimate objects, but playing games to solve your problems, especially when you're just about to die from explosive diarrhea or explosive meteorites, and fighting to be able to cure even more never-ending problems, really sounds *looks at Hyena's reviews* ass-crammingly weird. Everyone knows drugs are the way out of problems. DUH!   On the other hand, having played at least 10 different hentai games makes you immune to this kind of ill logic. The games Wario makes are called Microgames. You probably know Mini Games from titles such as Mario Party, well, Microgames aren't like mini games. In a mini game, you walk on a tightrope and your idiot friends try to shoot you, or you try to hit everyone over the head with a mallet or something... In a microgame, though... Ok imagine a new screen opens up and you see a nose with big nostrils and a finger pointed at the nose going from left to right and back again, and a bomb at the bottom of the screen is threatening to explode. Well... In all simplicity, you have to press (A) and the finger goes up and into a nostril of your choice (if you aimed right), and that's how you win. But you don't get a huge screen that says "YOU WIN!" -- You get another micro game. These bastards last from 1 to 5 seconds, and just keep happening!   I understand that the nose picking game can seem disturbing, but not ALL of them are disturbing, I mean, in some of them you have to shoot hamburgers and fries with a ketchup dispenser,  sniffle away with (A),  Jump over a speeding sausage on wheels,  brush someone's teeth left and right,  or even cut a piece of meat... And it all can happen in one minute.  What's cool about these games is that you can play in rythm with the music, and as you go through different microgames, you'll encounter SPEED-UP phases, where the music and the gameplay in general speed up. You'll also have three different difficulty levels for each microgame, like almost clean or really dirty teeth to brush, more or less thick pieces of meat to cut, or even enhancements to the devilish speeding sausage's A.I. (How frustrating is it when the speeding sausage stops just before you jump over it, and finally gets you when you get down, or when it just plain jumps at you?)  Indeed, it's endless hours of fun in a single game.  All right, I'll stop bullshitting you, not all games are like that, there's actually NES games in there as well!   
  
   ... SNES Games!    ... And some Wario versions of Mario games...  
  -start bitching- What's really pleasant about these 'micro-ports' is that they're not like a full port of a game with *BRAND NEW SAVE FEATURES AND A GREEN SUIT THAT'LL MAKE YOUR CHARACTER SEXY* -- You actually keep playing many of them in a row, and that's pretty much what people tend to do when they take out their old NES from the closet, they turn it on, play a game for a while, keep losing because they haven't played in years, and put on another game until they get bored and switch again... The constant flow of games is what you need, now what if Nintendo made a 200 NES game cart with stripped down versions of classic games, I don't mean a full Super Mario Bros. 3, Metroid or Zelda, I mean arcade, single level versions of games like Excitebike and Kung Fu! I would buy it, wouldn't you? -end bitching- Of course, there's sports games...  
  And... NINJA AND SAMURAI GAMES!!!!    ... I don't know how to end the review... How about some random screenshots?   
  
  
  
  
Come on, buy the damn game already! By the way posted by +Hyena on 06/30/2004 at 04:10:25AM Heh. This has now been adapted as a gamecube game. Heh heh posted by +Hyena on 05/01/2003 at 10:39:55PM Kiwibonga, what I loved about your review is that you mostly let the game's weirdness speak for itself. And how at the end you don't even bother to finish your point, just plaster a bunch of funny and confusing screenshots. I laughed when I read the "hyena's review" part. Hmmm.. posted by +Chaos on 04/12/2003 at 08:28:23AM This game intrigues me in a completly non-sexual way... Ok, im lying. Any game with any hint of Samus intrigues me in a very sexual way. ;) Haha |