Spy Kids
Challenger

I'm going to take a minute here before I talk about the game to bring up the matter of the Spy Kids movies.
Now, you don't need to see the movies (I certainly didn't) to understand a few things about them and why they're so bad.

A spy, secret agent, special agent, covert operative, whatever you want to call it, is not a fun job.
As I can imagine, half of the time it's just sitting there, waiting outside a building, keeping a close eye, and screwing around with recording equipment. Then there are the times where you're actually on the inside of an operation, reporting your knowledge of an enemy. Then there's following someone. All of these are incredibly low-risk by necessity. Which means if anything even looks like it might turn out that you could get found out, you get out immediately. Then there are the rare occasional more exciting things like sabotage and assassination. As these are high-risk, you would expect them to almost always be suicide missions.

Keeping this in mind, what the hell kind of parent would approve of their preteen kids doing this?

"Steven, you can play video games later. First I want you to take this sniper rifle that is bigger than you are, and shoot a communist general in the face. You'll be able to tell you've got him because his skin will peel and blood will be pouring out of his forehead and people will be screaming and crying. Once you've done that, you should climb into a sewer, where you'll dispose of the weapon and crawl through various fecal matter to a place at the far edges of the city where you should discard your clothes and try to aquire some new ones by shoplifting from the K-mart on the corner.
Then you can find your own way back to America. And if you get caught, which you most certainly will be, tap your left wrist twice and an implanted device will put two hundred thousand volts through you and kill you instantly. Okay?"
"I don't think I want to play video games."

I started working in a movie theatre recently, and when things got slow, I peeked inside of Spy Kids 2. One of the kids pulled a switch and someone told him "The entire earth will shut down in a few minutes!"
I shouldn't be laughing, but I did. A lot.

So of course, when I start playing this game I'm keeping in mind that it's a pathetic game for kids. So of course I enter my name as Turd-star.

And of course I'm briefed by the spy kids themselves, who have many important and intelligent things to say.

After they go on for a very long time about nothing important (a quick reference to "Gadgets! You'll love the gadgets!") and bicker for a while, you'll start.

Usually when people ask that, it's about
something easy like climbing a ladder.

As the last screenshot suggests, although very mildly, there is a lot of height involved.

The first level is entirely vertical and it seems to have no end to it. Every so often you reach a certain height and it says "Stage 1 complete" or "Stage 5 complete". Each stage seems to be roughly twenty floors and almost exactly the same as the other stages.
Your character is able to jump very high, so they try to make it as big as possible. I hope this isn't some sort of top-secret tower because you'd be able to see it from a hemisphere away.
Every time you reach a ledge, you get a bunch of points. It seems almost random how much you get. Sometimes you get 10 points, sometimes 20 or 30.

Of course after climbing (at an incredibly fast rate, mind you) for a half-hour, I started to get bored. So of course the natural thought that comes to mind is this: 

Sorry you can't see the girl get flattened, but she fell behind one of the game meters, which has a function I can't figure out.

Can I call you bitch?

The makers of this game wisely decided to go a different direction in level 2.

That is so 1984.

Nice colour scheme, assface.

You fly around in a "dragonspy" and shoot missiles at brightly coloured space invaders. And it's all underwater! 

That's because you're not old enough to know what "gay" means

About as razor-sharp as a bowling ball.

And then of course there's level 3, which took me a few seconds before I died. I didn't bother restarting.

Okay, so now that I've set the scene for you, let me actually tell you how this game is.
Bad. Not horrible, but not good. I would grade it a D-, then tell it that it passes, but will only get a job at McDonalds where it will work until it's forty-two and then die of toxic fume poisoning.
The only part that seems remotely original is the first level, which keeps going until you hope you never play it again.

Magna men. I'm not touching this one.

Please say ass. That's the only way
to salvage this sentence.

Sigh. I think I should actually go out now and look for a good game for GBA. That would be a novelty.