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01:29:16AM 05/25/2026
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- Go back to hell vile rodent! Well, well, well. If it isn't that little RPG that consumed the souls of millions of Japanese and even more white children (I like Poe-kay-man!) making its ineveitable return to the Game Boy Advance. When I first heard of this newest version, I secretly knew i had to try it out. I got suckered into buying the blue version, then yellow, then silver, and here I am again getting suckered into downloading... i mean BUYING A COMPLETELY LEGAL COPY of Ruby. Now here I am reviewing the thing. Can this latest version get back the title of "Thing-all-the-stupid-gullible-kids-are-blowing-their-parents-money-on" that was cruelly stipped away by Yu-Gi-Oh? Let's sure as hell hope not... 
Title Screen The game starts with the same damned speech that you had to sit through last time. And the time before that. And the time before that... After you get through the tedious naming process, the game starts with your character in the back of a truck. At first I assumed he was being smuggled into the country illegally, but actually he's moving to a new town. Why he had to ride in the back of the moving truck though, i dont know. You go upstairs, set the clock, get accustomed to the games controls (there all the same as before. L and R dont do anything as far as I know). You know the drill, get sent off to meet the Professor who lives next door, meet your rival (his daughter if your character's a guy; his son if you're a girl), but SURPRISE SURPRISE! He's not home. So you go out and find him getting chased around by some kind of homosexual-looking dog thing (see below). For some reason, it's your responsibility to save the incompetent bastard, so he tells you to grab a pokemon from his bag on the floor and fight off the evil canine from hell. Why he couldnt just do it himself is beyond me, but they've got to advance the story somehow. The three starter Pokemon are made up of some Gecko type lizard thing (the plant one I guess), a fire-type chicken, and some queer looking tadpole sort of thing. I went with the flaming poultry. Mmmmm, grilled chicken...*shakes self out of hunger trance* Anyways, back to the game... You kill the dog thing, or "cause it to faint" rather, and you're off. 
We know what a Pokemon is goddamnit...  
Yeah, but you didnt have to stuff me in the back bitch.  
You could have easily done this yourself you know... From here on it's the same basic thing as the other games. You fight gym leaders, catch more pokemon, 
Lame name, lame costume, sans one big chested evil bitch. Nope, not interested. As far as new features go, you'll be pretty disappointed. At time of writing, I've only got through the first two gym leaders, so maybe there's more stuff later on. But somehow I doubt it. The first new feature is the two-on-two battles with four pokemon out on the field. It's basically the same concept, just there's two extra pokemon thrown into the mix. I imagine there are some cool combos you can pull off while battling like this, but I dont know of any. Next, your Pokemon have an appeal rating thing that I have no idea what it does. It's my guess that theres some sort of Pokemon beauty pageants or something later. After your first encounter with Team Magma, you get someting called a PokeNAV that you use to check out your Pokemon's stats, as well as personalities of the local trainers of the town you're in. Rather useless (as far as I can tell), but kinda nifty as well. Also, you get these running shoes that let you run while you hold down B. It's better then walking, but I'd rather have a bike. Maybe you get one later... Lastly, there's this stupid little thing called your trainer info or something like that. You basically create a sentence with four words or phrases. Mine is "Dude I am confused upside down." 
Must... Resist... Naughty thoughts... 
I believe this speaks for itself. Pretty much the rest of the new additions are visual. Obviously, the game looks a lot cleaner and the colors are better than Silver/Gold. When you see pokemon in towns and whatnot, it's actually a sprite of the pokemon, and not a generic monster image like before. When you walk over water, you can see your characer's reflection too. There's some other small stuff too, but I don't really remember it all. 
Hey, I can see myself. Damn I'm ugly... 
I think that Machoke is about to steal my TV. 
This kid needs friends. Overall, this is a simple, straightforward RPG. If you've never played a Pokemon game, you should probably keep it that way. But if you liked the other games, you'll find this game very familar. Thing is, its so familar that it probably wont hold your interest for too long. The only way you'll completely enjoy this game is if: A)You're still a big Pokemon Fan; or B) You're an extremely hardcore RPG gamer that has to be the best at everything and there's nothing good on TV. If you are part of the B group, I suggest Golden Sun 2 instead. I haven't played it, but I did play the first one and that was really good. I'll have to give this game my lowest rating ever, 6 thumbs up. 
Because you're a queer. Classic Pokemon posted by GorillaAttack on 10/03/2003 at 08:33:26PM yeah im with you Chaos I hate the new Damn pokemon. I hate that they're all in some sort of babay form or they have a childish look......What ever happen to the good old classic Pokemon? You know cool Pokemon like Mewtwo and Blastoids? Pokemon that didnt look well...gay. The guy who came up with these "new" pokemon designs whould be burried up to his head and then coverd with honey and then people should pour ants all over him. If anyone wants to play a Pokemon play the classic titles not any of this new crap. posted by +Hyena on 05/01/2003 at 10:48:11PM They all seem to be colours or at least materials that revolve around colours. I'd think maybe Pokemon Jade or Pokemon Onyx. Pokemon Aquamarine? It's a magical rainbow of marketing! posted by DCB on 04/16/2003 at 10:19:04PM Next for Pokemon: Thunder gray and Mother-of-pearl. Names posted by +Chaos on 04/15/2003 at 03:49:06AM Well, we know Nintendo is going to release another stand-alone version (i.e yellow, crystal) again. I just know they will. Platinum would have been better to go with Gold and Silver (all colors or material for jewelry), and Crystal would be a better name for the the one to go with Ruby and Sapphire (all gems. well crystals not a gem but you get th idea). But since their mistake is already set in stone, I would say they should call it Pokemon Topaz (red=ruby,blue=sapphire,yellow=topaz) Hmm posted by @kiwibonga on 04/15/2003 at 03:32:03AM I was thinking of something... First there was Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, then Gold and Silver, then Crystal and Diamond, and possibly another one, then Ruby and Sapphire... What's next, since they've gone to the highest level... How about black and white, shining and darkness, hard and soft, water and alcohol, american and french, actually I've got it... Sun and Moon... Probably... |